1. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!

2. What’s the best way to describe a coffee addict? A Java junkie.

3. How do you know if a coffee addict is at your party? Don’t worry, they’ll espresso themselves.

4. Why did the coffee apply for a job at the bakery? Because it wanted to be a little more dough-licious.

5. What did the coffee say to its date? You mocha me very happy.

6. Why did the espresso keep checking its watch? It was pressed for time.

7. What do you call sad coffee? A depresso.

8. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

9. Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged.

10. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? The French press.

11. How does a coffee snob feel about a bad cup of coffee? Bitter.

12. What did the coffee say when it got into trouble? Better latte than never.

13. How do you make an awesome espresso? By focusing on the grind.

14. Why do coffee beans never gossip? They keep it grounded.

15. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated.

16. Why don’t coffee beans ever get married? Because they’re afraid of commitment.

17. What did the barista say to the sugar? Stir it up!

18. What’s a coffee’s favorite spell in Harry Potter? Espresso Patronum!

19. Why did the coffee bean file a police report? It got mugged.

20. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.

21. Why do coffee beans always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.

22. What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy, because it’s decaf.

23. How do you tell if your coffee is fresh? It’s perking up!

24. Why did the coffee keep checking its watch? It was pressed for time.

25. What did the coffee say to its date? You’re brew-tiful.

26. Why was the coffee nervous for its job interview? Because it didn’t want to be filtered out.

27. What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With Your Best Shot.

28. Why do coffee beans never get lost? They always know the way home.

29. What did the coffee say about its new mug? It’s a perfect matcha.

30. Why do coffee beans never get cold? Because they’re always roasting.

31. How do you make a musician’s coffee? Use a drum for the French press.

32. What did the coffee say when it felt weak? I need a latte help.

33. Why do coffee beans prefer winter? They can espresso themselves in the snow.

34. What’s a barista’s favorite movie? The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

35. Why do coffee beans never give you a hard time? Because they’re always grounded.

36. What’s a coffee’s favorite animal? A catpuccino.

37. How do you know if a coffee is talking to you? It’s starting to espresso itself.

38. Why did the coffee bean keep getting into trouble? Because it was always stirring up trouble.

39. What’s a coffee’s favorite pastime? Brewing new ideas.

40. How do you make a band’s coffee? With a hit single shot.

41. Why do coffee beans never need a therapist? They vent through the French press.

42. What’s a coffee’s favorite time of day? The daily grind.

43. Why did the coffee go to therapy? It had trouble brewing good thoughts.

44. What’s a coffee’s favorite book? The Catcher in the Rye (it’s a classic grind).

45. Why did the coffee refuse to fight? It didn’t want to cause a stir.

46. How do you cheer up a sad coffee? Give it a latte love.

47. What’s a coffee’s favorite sports team? The New York Brewsters.

48. Why did the coffee file a complaint? It was tired of being mugged.

49. How do you know a coffee is excited? It’s jumping with a latte energy.

50. What’s a coffee’s favorite vacation spot? The French press Riviera.

51. What do you call a coffee shop that’s gone out of business? A bitter end.

52. How do you describe a coffee shop that’s always crowded? Brew-tilized.

53. What’s a coffee’s favorite genre of music? Brewgrass.

54. Why did the coffee apply for a job? It wanted to be in the grind.

55. How do you know a coffee is excited? It’s jumping with a latte energy.

56. What’s a coffee’s favorite kind of weather? Muggy.

57. Why did the coffee get promoted? Because it was strong and brewed to perfection.

58. How does coffee always seem to get things done? It’s got a lot of perk.

59. Why did the coffee start a fight? It couldn’t handle the press.

60. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of art? Decaf-fi-ti.

61. Why did the coffee bean go to school? To become a latte smarter.

62. What’s a coffee’s favorite holiday? Brew Year’s Eve.

63. Why do coffee lovers never get lost? They follow the aroma.

64. What did the coffee say when it won an award? This is brew-tiful!

65. Why do coffee beans never play hide and seek? Because they always get grounded.

66. What do you call a mischievous coffee? A brew-dini.

67. What’s a coffee’s favorite movie genre? Anything that’s full of suspense-o.

68. Why did the coffee bring an umbrella? Because it was going to be a drip!

69. What did the coffee say when it was embarrassed? I’m steamed!

70. Why did the coffee get detention? For being too mug-nanimous.

71. How do you know when coffee is in love? It’s brewing over with emotion.

72. What did the coffee say to the sugar? Sweeten the deal!

73. What’s a coffee’s favorite ice cream flavor? Mocha chip.

74. Why do coffee beans always stay cool? They’re iced.

75. What do you call coffee that’s sick? A cough-ee.

76. What did the coffee say to the teapot? You’re tea-riffic, but I’m brew-tiful.

77. Why did the coffee wear a tie? It wanted to look a little more mug-nificent.

78. What did the espresso say to its perfect match? You’re my better half-and-half.

79. Why did the coffee go to the party? Because it was brewed to have a good time.

80. How does a coffee show affection? It gives a lot of hugs and mugs.

81. What do you call a coffee that tells jokes? A stand-up mocha.

82. How does coffee stay warm? It wears a latte layers.

83. Why did the coffee start a band? It had a lot of rhythm and brews.

84. What did the coffee bean say to the hot water? You make me steam.

85. Why did the espresso go to school? To become a little mocha-educated.

86. Why did the coffee go to the doctor? It was feeling a little bitter.

87. How do you know if a coffee is a good listener? It’s always perking up.

88. What’s a coffee’s favorite ice cream flavor? Mocha chip.

89. Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.

90. What’s a coffee’s favorite car? A brew-gatti.

91. How do you make a coffee float? Add a scoop of ice cream and a splash of joy.

92. Why do coffee beans always get the job? They’re well-grounded.

93. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of shoe? Mocca-sins.

94. Why did the coffee read the newspaper? It wanted to stay up to date with the latest brews.

95. How does a coffee bean start the day? With a good stretch and a brew-th.

96. What’s a coffee’s favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Beans.

97. Why did the coffee go to therapy? It had trouble brewing good thoughts.

98. What’s a coffee’s favorite bedtime story? The Little Brew That Could.

99. How does coffee maintain a positive attitude? It always sees the mug half full.

100. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of art? Drip painting.